i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
