Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize