I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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