I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize