mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
