You made me cry and you don't even care
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
