Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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