What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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