Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize