this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
