is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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