My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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