So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
