Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
