I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
