Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize