5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
