Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
