I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
