your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
