Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
