Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
