First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am one with the molecules
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
