I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
