she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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