i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
