there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
