i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You have to summon your inner elephant
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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