Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
