If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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