i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
