rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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