I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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