I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
