kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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