evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
