Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
