things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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