he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
