Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
