Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
