i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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