I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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