you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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