Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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