I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
