i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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