I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
