He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
