Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize