There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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