walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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