Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
