you thought your balls were fighting each other...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
