you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
