Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize