why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
