Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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