Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
