apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
