I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
