HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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