I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize