i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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