I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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