i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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