I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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