I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
