I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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