my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
