I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
