Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
